Regret

Have you ever done something or said something and the second the action is complete, or the words are pouring off the tip of your tounge you regret it?

Unfortunately, I have a really bad habit of that. I tend to say or do things to get a reaction out of people, and when I don't get the reaction I was looking for I get upset. As of recently I thought I was getting better with my patience and was over this extremely bad habit until last Monday when it hit me for the worst. It's like verbal diherra (I don't know how to spell that?!). I was at my boyfriend's house and was suppose to be heading back home, when he simply said "Ok." to my leaving I was mad. I know he cares about me, but I wanted him to want me to stay. Screwed up, right? So when he didn't have the reaction I wanted, I lost it. Needless to say, this turned into him not speaking to me. It has since been a week and I'm still not really sure as to what the deal is. Many people seem to think that what he is doing is mean, but in all honesty I deserve it. There have been numerous times in the past two years of our relationship that he said he was going to do this and never did. Him doing this has made me realize a lot about both the relationship we have and myself. I know I need to stop taking people for granted, especially those closest to me whom I care about most. I need to be more cautious of what is coming out of my mouth and not say things that aren't needed to be said. About our relationship, I've learned how important he is to me, that I am scared beyong belief about losing him, not so much as my "boyfriend," but more as my best friend.

I know this isn't something that you would expect to find on my blog, but I needed to get it out and as I've mentioned in previous posts I like the typing on a blog far better than handwriting in a journal.

Til' next time