So Spring Break is here except as usual it doesn't feel like a break. I have gone non-stop, or so it feels. I have gotten to spend time with a few of my friends and family but not as much as I like. Friday when I got home I had a doctor's appointment (What else is knew?!) then I went to my cousins house and hung out all night. I was in bed by 10:30 and slept a good 11 and a half hours. It was about time - I haven't had a good night sleep in God only knows how long. Saturday I had to be at a testing site to take the teacher's licensure exam for the third time - I'm thinking that I possibly (FINALLY) passed it; or at least half of it. Then I babysat for awhile. I love babysitting my little cousins, they are adorable and I love spending time with them. Sunday I spent visiting my Nana in her Nursing home and then going to see my Grandpa in his new living "community." It was great to see both of them since I hadn't since before I left for school. On Monday I worked til 3:30 but then had a doctor's appointment and left early. That was when it all took a turn for the worse. Before I had gone back to school I had a dermatologist appointment and she found two moles on my stomach that looked abnormal to her so she took biopsys of them. A few days later I got a phone call saying that the results came back showing they were abnormal and I needed to make an appointment to have them removed. That was yesturday's appointment. I went in and had an excision done on two of the atypical moles on my tummy. The doctor told me that on a scale of 1 to 10 for precancerous moles and 10 being the worst - I had about a 9/9.5! He said that he doesn't usually remove two in one day but because they were SO bad he needed to get them out. And he did . . . It was possibly the most painful thing I have ever experienced and as most of you know my body as gone through the ringer a few times. He used 8 needles of novicaine betweent he two moles and injected each one atleast 6 times. Not only that but he did it fast . . . and HARD! My mom couldn't even watch. That was probably the worst of it until today. I have 8-12 stitches in each one and they hurt. I've taken tylenol and some other pain killer and then he prescribed me with Tylenol 3. I went into work late this morning and left early. Let me tell ya, I'm so sick of being sick.
My doctor told me exactly what it was that caused my precancerous moles - it was the tanning bed. The tanning bed my mom warned me over and over to not pay for. Now I'm really paying for it. My stomach is still covered in moles. Moles that next week he will examine again and determine what needs to be done about them.
As always my friends have been my backbone. Even though what went on yesturday wasn't a huge deal they were still there for me last night. Friends from all over =)
Other than that the past week or so hasn't been too eventful. Theres a new boy =) who makes me really really happy. He's different than the rest have been and I plan on keeping him around for awhile. I like him a lot.
My sister needs the computer now and I need to go start enjoying my spring break - See you soon!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Life . . .
Two weeks ago tomorrow I was at my Aunt's house for my cousins 10th birthday party. I wasn't suppose to go but I had nothing else to really do so I figured I would spend it with my family. It's weird. Most kids my age want nothing to do with their family - not me!! I love my family and I love spending time with them. Every year when my birthday rolls around my father complains about having another birthday party. I fight for not because I want the party but because I love getting together with my whole family. We typically have a good time together and generally enjoy one anothers company. I trucked from Worcester to Reading and graced my family with my presence. I had originally told them I wasn't going to be able to make it so I surprised them. While I was at the party my Uncle Billy and I were outside - he was changing my headlight and being beaten by the inside of my car =-/ - he said that I should continue to write on my blog because it makes him feel connected to me. I won't lie, it made my day. Uncle Billy has always seemed to me as one of my more "serious" uncles but as I have gotten older I feel like I can talk to him about more and generally just interact with him more. Knowing that he takes the time out of his day to check on my blog and me meant the world to me. Thanks Uncle Billy - I hope you enjoy my stories =) I love you!
On another note, his comment made me realize that I hadn't blogged in over a month and two weeks later I finally have time to do it. So much has gone on in such a short amount of time but I am healthy and happy. I don't have much to complain about and I wake up every morning hoping and praying for another good day.
The last time I wrote was the day after we left my Grandfather's house for the last time. I was getting ready to go back to school but wasn't sure how to feel and what to expect. Granpa has now been living in the "community" for a little over a month and seems to be doing fairly well. It is a big adjusment and I don't think he was as prepared for it as we all thought he was. He is slowly but surely making friends and at this point I guess that is all that matters. When I saw him at my cousins party he had his ID card clipped to his collar and was generally just adorable. The "community" has a pretty large campus and I think that is also what is hard for him. Living where he did for 45 years, he was completely comfortable in and familiar with his surroundings. I hope that he continues to strive and I wish him nothing but happiness.
School has been great. I live with 5 other girls and we have a blast together. I love them with all my heart and am so happy to be experiencing this part of life with them. The work load I could do without. It has been hard getting "back into the swing of things" but I guess I'm doing okay. My first weekend back I was drunk for the first time in my life. To be honest, I don't think I was ACTUALLY drunk, I think that because I had never really consumed alcohol that it was just too much on my stomach and made me sick. I haven't done it since and am okay with it. I feel like for once in my life I am ACTUALLY experiencing college. I am healthy and happy and at this point that is all that matters. I miss Krista like crazy by we stay in touch and I've gone home a few weekends to see her. Last weekend I went home because she was going to her first formal high school dance. She looked GORGEOUS! Not that that is surprising to any of us. I will be going home next weekend to go to the Fireman's Ball and watch my Dad receive his 25 year pin for 25 years of service on the Fire Department.
School runs a retreat called START and I made team for this semesters retreat. I am giving a talk on community and in the talk I speak highly of my family and their support through my illness, surgery, and recovery. I can't wait for it.
I'm going to stop here and hopefully write again soon. I have homework to get done and it isn't blogging =)
I wish you all a happy and healthy weekend.
Until next time . . .
On another note, his comment made me realize that I hadn't blogged in over a month and two weeks later I finally have time to do it. So much has gone on in such a short amount of time but I am healthy and happy. I don't have much to complain about and I wake up every morning hoping and praying for another good day.
The last time I wrote was the day after we left my Grandfather's house for the last time. I was getting ready to go back to school but wasn't sure how to feel and what to expect. Granpa has now been living in the "community" for a little over a month and seems to be doing fairly well. It is a big adjusment and I don't think he was as prepared for it as we all thought he was. He is slowly but surely making friends and at this point I guess that is all that matters. When I saw him at my cousins party he had his ID card clipped to his collar and was generally just adorable. The "community" has a pretty large campus and I think that is also what is hard for him. Living where he did for 45 years, he was completely comfortable in and familiar with his surroundings. I hope that he continues to strive and I wish him nothing but happiness.
School has been great. I live with 5 other girls and we have a blast together. I love them with all my heart and am so happy to be experiencing this part of life with them. The work load I could do without. It has been hard getting "back into the swing of things" but I guess I'm doing okay. My first weekend back I was drunk for the first time in my life. To be honest, I don't think I was ACTUALLY drunk, I think that because I had never really consumed alcohol that it was just too much on my stomach and made me sick. I haven't done it since and am okay with it. I feel like for once in my life I am ACTUALLY experiencing college. I am healthy and happy and at this point that is all that matters. I miss Krista like crazy by we stay in touch and I've gone home a few weekends to see her. Last weekend I went home because she was going to her first formal high school dance. She looked GORGEOUS! Not that that is surprising to any of us. I will be going home next weekend to go to the Fireman's Ball and watch my Dad receive his 25 year pin for 25 years of service on the Fire Department.
School runs a retreat called START and I made team for this semesters retreat. I am giving a talk on community and in the talk I speak highly of my family and their support through my illness, surgery, and recovery. I can't wait for it.
I'm going to stop here and hopefully write again soon. I have homework to get done and it isn't blogging =)
I wish you all a happy and healthy weekend.
Until next time . . .
Monday, January 5, 2009
And then there were none . . .
So I haven't blogged in awhile. I feel like everytime I do blog its because I need to get something off my chest that is bothering me, something that has made me upset or angry. I was looking through my "Edit Posts" this morning and realized that I had about 6 posts that were not finished or posted. Posts that went all the way back to Thanksgiving; which I guess wasn't that long ago but it feels like an eternity ago. It just shows how fast time really does fly.
I will be moving back to school two weeks from yesturday and I can't believe it. I'm nervous to go back but I feel like I'm ready. It has been a year since I have done any form of school work or sat through a class and I don't know if I'm ready for that but I guess we will find out. I still can't believe how fast this year has gone by. It was a year of ups and downs and I can strongly say that I was not sad to kiss 2008 goodbye at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve. I spent New Years Eve babysitting two twin 11 month old girls, Katie and Lila, and I absolutely adore them. They were so unbelieveably cute. Anyway . . . on to the real reason I'm posting . . .
Last night at about 8:45 pm my mom, my aunt, my sister and I walked down the steps of my Grandfather's house for the last time. We closed the door and as we did, we closed a chapter of all of our lives. A chapter that was longer for some of us than for others but regardless, it was chapter full of good times and bad, laughs and cries, hugs and kisses and all in all great memories. About a year ago, we had moved my Nana out of her house into an Assissted Living facility and later in the year into a Nursing home due to her Alzheimers and Colon cancer. Yesturday we moved my grandfather into a Retirement Community not too far from my uncles house. This morning my aunt and my mom went to the closing and to hand over the keys to a house that has been a part of our families memories for 46 years. I couldn't tell you the last time I cried as much as I did yeaturday. I got to the house at about 8:15 am and helped packing things up and sorting out was was coming and what we were leaving for the buyers. At about 11 we pulled out of the driveway, one last time. I was driving my Grandfather's car and he was sitting next to me in the passenger seat. He looked so hopeless as he waved goodbye to his home, to his memories, to his past. We drove by a parish that he had worked at as a Deacon for many years and he said goodbye to that. When we arrived at the Retirement Community he wandered off for a little bit just to familiarize himself with his new surroundings. Whenever we had to go somewhere, we let him lead the way. He seemed okay by the time we left, but it had a been a long day for him and he was tired and kicking us out. After leaving the RC we went back to the old house to do some last minute cleaning and vaccuming. I vacuumed his bedroom, his walkin closet that I played in as a kid. I vacummed the living rooms and the front hallway. When I was done I sat in the den feeling nauseous. I was feeling so many different emotions that I didn't know what to do. I was sad that we had to say goodbye, I was happy that it was a new beginning for my grandfather, I was exhausted and hungry. I went upstairs in the dark by myself and lied on the floor of the bedroom that was once my Nana's. It still had the scent of her perfume and with the scent I remembered her. I remembered the Nana I grew up with the Nana that hated the pool and wanted us to be quiet while we swam. The Nana who had a huge heart for Life
Saver popsicles and would sit with her rainbow striped glass and koozie (or whatever that this is called) and drink her ice water. I finally cried. I needed that cry. It is amazing how when you do something like that all the memories of you child hood seem to come rushing back. I sat up in the room for awhile just thinking of all my memories in the house. How my Grandpa use to dump change over the coats on the coat rack and we would all lie under it and grab the change. How Nana always had a pack of gum in the top drawer, second one in from the left by the pantry. How she always wore those flip-flop "slippers" that has the little teeney-tiny open toe. How when we came in from the pool we had to make sure we weren't dripping. How on Christmas Eve we would sit on the landing up to the second floor and play with our new toys. And so many other memories. The hard part is to think that these are the memories of a grandchild, only 20 years of memories. The rest of them, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and mom, have 26 more years of memories. Last night, my mom sat on the banister one last time. Now, she has a bad back and has been more or less handicap the last few weeks so when she did it we all freaked. She said she had to do it one last time, that when she was a kid she would sit on the banister and listen to her records and sing. I think it is amazing how you forget about all these memories and good time but when something comes up, like selling the house, they all come rushing back.
My mom, my aunt, my sister and I all sat on the stairs and cried. The worst part, was that I coudn't stop. I couldn't see the positive in any of this. I kept saying that if they were moving somewhere together and she was not sick and he wasn't beyond depressed that would be one thing. Nana has NO IDEA that ANY of this has happened. I think that is what gets me the most.
I woke up this morning at 6:30 to go to the bathroom. When I got back I couldn't fall back to sleep. I was tempted to go to the house one last time and say goodbye by myself. I don't know, I feel like I just can't let it go. It is now 10:58 and I'm almost positive the house is no longer in the Amerault family. It sucks. But hopefully, it is a nice family that has bought it and will take care of it and have just as many amazing memories as my family has had. I just hope it is all the right decisions. And I just need to stop crying . . .
Regardless, here's to new beginnings and a Happy New Year to all!
=)
I will be moving back to school two weeks from yesturday and I can't believe it. I'm nervous to go back but I feel like I'm ready. It has been a year since I have done any form of school work or sat through a class and I don't know if I'm ready for that but I guess we will find out. I still can't believe how fast this year has gone by. It was a year of ups and downs and I can strongly say that I was not sad to kiss 2008 goodbye at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve. I spent New Years Eve babysitting two twin 11 month old girls, Katie and Lila, and I absolutely adore them. They were so unbelieveably cute. Anyway . . . on to the real reason I'm posting . . .
Last night at about 8:45 pm my mom, my aunt, my sister and I walked down the steps of my Grandfather's house for the last time. We closed the door and as we did, we closed a chapter of all of our lives. A chapter that was longer for some of us than for others but regardless, it was chapter full of good times and bad, laughs and cries, hugs and kisses and all in all great memories. About a year ago, we had moved my Nana out of her house into an Assissted Living facility and later in the year into a Nursing home due to her Alzheimers and Colon cancer. Yesturday we moved my grandfather into a Retirement Community not too far from my uncles house. This morning my aunt and my mom went to the closing and to hand over the keys to a house that has been a part of our families memories for 46 years. I couldn't tell you the last time I cried as much as I did yeaturday. I got to the house at about 8:15 am and helped packing things up and sorting out was was coming and what we were leaving for the buyers. At about 11 we pulled out of the driveway, one last time. I was driving my Grandfather's car and he was sitting next to me in the passenger seat. He looked so hopeless as he waved goodbye to his home, to his memories, to his past. We drove by a parish that he had worked at as a Deacon for many years and he said goodbye to that. When we arrived at the Retirement Community he wandered off for a little bit just to familiarize himself with his new surroundings. Whenever we had to go somewhere, we let him lead the way. He seemed okay by the time we left, but it had a been a long day for him and he was tired and kicking us out. After leaving the RC we went back to the old house to do some last minute cleaning and vaccuming. I vacuumed his bedroom, his walkin closet that I played in as a kid. I vacummed the living rooms and the front hallway. When I was done I sat in the den feeling nauseous. I was feeling so many different emotions that I didn't know what to do. I was sad that we had to say goodbye, I was happy that it was a new beginning for my grandfather, I was exhausted and hungry. I went upstairs in the dark by myself and lied on the floor of the bedroom that was once my Nana's. It still had the scent of her perfume and with the scent I remembered her. I remembered the Nana I grew up with the Nana that hated the pool and wanted us to be quiet while we swam. The Nana who had a huge heart for Life
Saver popsicles and would sit with her rainbow striped glass and koozie (or whatever that this is called) and drink her ice water. I finally cried. I needed that cry. It is amazing how when you do something like that all the memories of you child hood seem to come rushing back. I sat up in the room for awhile just thinking of all my memories in the house. How my Grandpa use to dump change over the coats on the coat rack and we would all lie under it and grab the change. How Nana always had a pack of gum in the top drawer, second one in from the left by the pantry. How she always wore those flip-flop "slippers" that has the little teeney-tiny open toe. How when we came in from the pool we had to make sure we weren't dripping. How on Christmas Eve we would sit on the landing up to the second floor and play with our new toys. And so many other memories. The hard part is to think that these are the memories of a grandchild, only 20 years of memories. The rest of them, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and mom, have 26 more years of memories. Last night, my mom sat on the banister one last time. Now, she has a bad back and has been more or less handicap the last few weeks so when she did it we all freaked. She said she had to do it one last time, that when she was a kid she would sit on the banister and listen to her records and sing. I think it is amazing how you forget about all these memories and good time but when something comes up, like selling the house, they all come rushing back.
My mom, my aunt, my sister and I all sat on the stairs and cried. The worst part, was that I coudn't stop. I couldn't see the positive in any of this. I kept saying that if they were moving somewhere together and she was not sick and he wasn't beyond depressed that would be one thing. Nana has NO IDEA that ANY of this has happened. I think that is what gets me the most.
I woke up this morning at 6:30 to go to the bathroom. When I got back I couldn't fall back to sleep. I was tempted to go to the house one last time and say goodbye by myself. I don't know, I feel like I just can't let it go. It is now 10:58 and I'm almost positive the house is no longer in the Amerault family. It sucks. But hopefully, it is a nice family that has bought it and will take care of it and have just as many amazing memories as my family has had. I just hope it is all the right decisions. And I just need to stop crying . . .
Regardless, here's to new beginnings and a Happy New Year to all!
=)
Monday, November 17, 2008
Keeping your head up!
I don't even know where to begin. I haven't written here in such a long time and everything has just built up. I figured that by now I would be feeling a million and one times better and well, I'm not.
I had my second pouchscope done on October 31 because I was having problems with my pouch. He said that everything looked great and I was okay. He did dialate it just to be on the safe side and was done. He sent me home with a perscription for tylenol with codine and said that I might be in pain for a few days. Here we are almost 2 and 1/2 weeks later and I'm still in pain. I saw the doctor last tuesday and he said it could be the beginning of an infection and put me on two antibiotics. He said that if the pain got worse or wasn't going away to give him a call. I went to school to visit friends over the weekend and was okay for the most part but when I got home Sunday night the pain brought me to tears. Monday I called the doctor and he said he wanted to see me. The nurse called back and said to pack a bag and prepare to be admitted. I was so upset and aggrivated. Wasn't the 12 nights I spent in there in the end of July, beginning of August enough?! So I packed my bag and off I went.
The doctor examined me and told me of his original plan to admit me and give me antibiotics through an IV but then said he doubted it would make a difference. The next option was surgery, surgery number two. Granted, this surgery was only minor and considered "day surgery." But regardless, who wants to have any type of surgery. The were going to drain the anal abcess that had developed due to a tear from the last pouchscope. They told me it would be on Wednesday. Well, this morning (Tuesday) I got a phone call. The nurse asked me if I had eaten or drank anything as of yet. I said no and she said "Okay, don't. I'll call you right back." And that she did. They told me to arrive at 11 and that the surgery would be at 1. They didn't actually start the surgery til 2. When I woke up my dad told me the doctor had said he was glad he drained it when he did because the puss was several teaspoons-ful. HOW GROSS!!!!! I now have a hole with a "wick" in it and a gauze pad "taped" over it on my bum. I know thats a little descriptive and probably too much information but it is what it is. I have to go back on Thursday for him to change the dressing and see how its doing.
When will it be over? I ask myself everyday. I can't take it anymore. I don't have it in me. I am drained. If I'm not working, I'm in bed. I'm excited to return to school in January because it will be a new lifestyle, and a new beginning. But at the same time I am so nervous. I want to know that I will be healthy. The doctors had told me 6 to 12 months for a full recovery and it hasn't even been 4. I feel like it has been 4 years and everyone keeps telling me "Your gunna wake up some morning and just feel like yourself again." When is that going to be? And why is it taking so long?
I hate complaining about my aches and pains because if I did it whenever I had them, I would be complaining all the time. People have other stuff to worry about, things that are more important. Don't get me wrong, I have had amazing support through all of this but sometimes it isn't enough. The worst is that I'm not asking for more. I don't know what it is I need. A good cry? A vacation? Something to release my stress and anger? Who knows? I just feel like its eating away at me. That I don't have any emotions anymore because of everything I've dealt with. That I've become like a zombie. Just there, doing my daily routine. A person who isn't affected by any type of emotion. I want to be the girl I was before I was ever sick. The problem there is that I was sick for so long that I dont remember who she is. Who knows?
I just hope things turn around from here on out. Cause I'm done!
I had my second pouchscope done on October 31 because I was having problems with my pouch. He said that everything looked great and I was okay. He did dialate it just to be on the safe side and was done. He sent me home with a perscription for tylenol with codine and said that I might be in pain for a few days. Here we are almost 2 and 1/2 weeks later and I'm still in pain. I saw the doctor last tuesday and he said it could be the beginning of an infection and put me on two antibiotics. He said that if the pain got worse or wasn't going away to give him a call. I went to school to visit friends over the weekend and was okay for the most part but when I got home Sunday night the pain brought me to tears. Monday I called the doctor and he said he wanted to see me. The nurse called back and said to pack a bag and prepare to be admitted. I was so upset and aggrivated. Wasn't the 12 nights I spent in there in the end of July, beginning of August enough?! So I packed my bag and off I went.
The doctor examined me and told me of his original plan to admit me and give me antibiotics through an IV but then said he doubted it would make a difference. The next option was surgery, surgery number two. Granted, this surgery was only minor and considered "day surgery." But regardless, who wants to have any type of surgery. The were going to drain the anal abcess that had developed due to a tear from the last pouchscope. They told me it would be on Wednesday. Well, this morning (Tuesday) I got a phone call. The nurse asked me if I had eaten or drank anything as of yet. I said no and she said "Okay, don't. I'll call you right back." And that she did. They told me to arrive at 11 and that the surgery would be at 1. They didn't actually start the surgery til 2. When I woke up my dad told me the doctor had said he was glad he drained it when he did because the puss was several teaspoons-ful. HOW GROSS!!!!! I now have a hole with a "wick" in it and a gauze pad "taped" over it on my bum. I know thats a little descriptive and probably too much information but it is what it is. I have to go back on Thursday for him to change the dressing and see how its doing.
When will it be over? I ask myself everyday. I can't take it anymore. I don't have it in me. I am drained. If I'm not working, I'm in bed. I'm excited to return to school in January because it will be a new lifestyle, and a new beginning. But at the same time I am so nervous. I want to know that I will be healthy. The doctors had told me 6 to 12 months for a full recovery and it hasn't even been 4. I feel like it has been 4 years and everyone keeps telling me "Your gunna wake up some morning and just feel like yourself again." When is that going to be? And why is it taking so long?
I hate complaining about my aches and pains because if I did it whenever I had them, I would be complaining all the time. People have other stuff to worry about, things that are more important. Don't get me wrong, I have had amazing support through all of this but sometimes it isn't enough. The worst is that I'm not asking for more. I don't know what it is I need. A good cry? A vacation? Something to release my stress and anger? Who knows? I just feel like its eating away at me. That I don't have any emotions anymore because of everything I've dealt with. That I've become like a zombie. Just there, doing my daily routine. A person who isn't affected by any type of emotion. I want to be the girl I was before I was ever sick. The problem there is that I was sick for so long that I dont remember who she is. Who knows?
I just hope things turn around from here on out. Cause I'm done!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Way to start another day . . .
I had a bad dream last night. The dream was that I screwed up my bank account. So I woke up out of the dream, grabbed my laptop and immediately checked my account. Sure enough, my dream became reality.
I had written the check for my car payment thinking that by the time they received it I would have this weeks paycheck in the bank. WRONG-O!! The check was cashed, my account was overdrawn, and then I was charged that stupid $30 fee. I'll put my check in the bank today and it won't be overdrawn anymore, but im still out $30 bucks. Thats a friggin full tank of gas for me. Not to mention, in the pending withdrawls, I was charged twice for the Cheesy breadsticks and soda I bought last night for my fat ass. What a day . . . not to mention, it is ONLY 10:34
I had written the check for my car payment thinking that by the time they received it I would have this weeks paycheck in the bank. WRONG-O!! The check was cashed, my account was overdrawn, and then I was charged that stupid $30 fee. I'll put my check in the bank today and it won't be overdrawn anymore, but im still out $30 bucks. Thats a friggin full tank of gas for me. Not to mention, in the pending withdrawls, I was charged twice for the Cheesy breadsticks and soda I bought last night for my fat ass. What a day . . . not to mention, it is ONLY 10:34
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Life . . .
So, I'm gunna state this plain and simple: Life is way too short to be anything but happy!
How many times have people told me this? Probably too many. Do I listen? No. Do any of us listen? Probably not. It is so much easier said than done; however, I wish it was as easy as people make it seem.
When I was a Senior in high school my grandfather fell in his kitchen and ended up in the hospital. It was a long battle of ups and downs but my family was there for eachother. On Valentine's Day 2006 my grandfather passed away. No one realized that this simple spill he took would end up, in the long run, taking his life from him. He lived an extremely succesful life with four children and eight grandchildren. Two months before he fell he was given the pleasure of having a great grandson, Anthony. I guess you could say he was a happy man but still, you never know when it will all come to an end. We need to live our lives for ourselves, not for others. Is it great to make others happy? Of course! But at the same time, we need to be happy ourselves.
In the same breath, as most of you know my grandmother is suffering from both Alzheimers and colon cancer. From what I knew growing up, she was happy as well. As I got older, I began to notice how aggrivated she would become with herself. She wouldn't remember things and would realize what was happening. Now that she has become more sick, she doesn't realize it but still, she isn't the same person. Her health and her happiness have both been taken from her and once again, we need to live our lives happily.
As morbid as it sounds, we could be robbed of our lives within minutes and that will be it. What good will it be to be mad, upset, or angry. It will not benefit anyone, not even you.
With my ulcerative colitis, my happiness came and went constantly; usually with remissions and flare ups. It was hard to have a positive outlook on life when I was constantly in pain, or worrying when the next trip to the bathroom was going to be. When I made the decision to have my colon removed my parents and I looked forward for me to have the ability to have a positive outlook on life. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't the poor me kind of girl when I was sick. But it got tough to keep my head up. We figured that after the surgery I would be able to live my life like a "normal" human being. Here is it a little over two months after my surgery and slowly but surely I'm getting there. I've gone through a lot, both physically and emotionally, in these months.
A lot has gone on in the past few weeks and my trust and friendships have been tried repeatedly,if that makes any sense. I have been forced to choose between believeing those I care about and those who I've considered friends for years. Let me tell you, it was difficult. And instead of choosing the easy way out I, or course, had to choose the more difficult situation. Its gotten me a little upset but I'm working to being happier. Like I said, life's too short. Its not worth my tears, not anymore.
I hope that with this, you all try to make each day the happiest yet. And I will try to do the same, its a promise!
=)
How many times have people told me this? Probably too many. Do I listen? No. Do any of us listen? Probably not. It is so much easier said than done; however, I wish it was as easy as people make it seem.
When I was a Senior in high school my grandfather fell in his kitchen and ended up in the hospital. It was a long battle of ups and downs but my family was there for eachother. On Valentine's Day 2006 my grandfather passed away. No one realized that this simple spill he took would end up, in the long run, taking his life from him. He lived an extremely succesful life with four children and eight grandchildren. Two months before he fell he was given the pleasure of having a great grandson, Anthony. I guess you could say he was a happy man but still, you never know when it will all come to an end. We need to live our lives for ourselves, not for others. Is it great to make others happy? Of course! But at the same time, we need to be happy ourselves.
In the same breath, as most of you know my grandmother is suffering from both Alzheimers and colon cancer. From what I knew growing up, she was happy as well. As I got older, I began to notice how aggrivated she would become with herself. She wouldn't remember things and would realize what was happening. Now that she has become more sick, she doesn't realize it but still, she isn't the same person. Her health and her happiness have both been taken from her and once again, we need to live our lives happily.
As morbid as it sounds, we could be robbed of our lives within minutes and that will be it. What good will it be to be mad, upset, or angry. It will not benefit anyone, not even you.
With my ulcerative colitis, my happiness came and went constantly; usually with remissions and flare ups. It was hard to have a positive outlook on life when I was constantly in pain, or worrying when the next trip to the bathroom was going to be. When I made the decision to have my colon removed my parents and I looked forward for me to have the ability to have a positive outlook on life. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't the poor me kind of girl when I was sick. But it got tough to keep my head up. We figured that after the surgery I would be able to live my life like a "normal" human being. Here is it a little over two months after my surgery and slowly but surely I'm getting there. I've gone through a lot, both physically and emotionally, in these months.
A lot has gone on in the past few weeks and my trust and friendships have been tried repeatedly,if that makes any sense. I have been forced to choose between believeing those I care about and those who I've considered friends for years. Let me tell you, it was difficult. And instead of choosing the easy way out I, or course, had to choose the more difficult situation. Its gotten me a little upset but I'm working to being happier. Like I said, life's too short. Its not worth my tears, not anymore.
I hope that with this, you all try to make each day the happiest yet. And I will try to do the same, its a promise!
=)
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Me, A TEACHER?!
Well okay, so technically I'm still not a teacher. I was hired yesterday as an ISS in a town close to home. I had submitted my resume two, or three, weeks ago and hadn't heard anything. Then yesturday morning I woke up to my mom telling me there was someone from this particular school on the phone looking to speak to me.
When I answered the phone, she asked if I was still interested in the position and wanted to come in for an interview at 12:45. I said that was fine but was wondering if I could do anything earlier. She told me to come in any time in the morning and then asked if I was willing to start that morning for a trial day. She asked me to arrive at the school by 8:30. Let me remind you that to answer this phone call my mom had to wake me up and that was at 8:00.
So I arrived at the school and spent the day substituting a 4th grade classroom. It went really well until "Brief Break." On the teachers lesson plan for the day it said "Brief Break - you take the students outside with the other 4th graders." So at 2:00 I lined up my classroom and we filed outside. When I was in the hall way one of the teachers came up to me and thanked me. It wasn't until I got outside that I understood why I was being thanked. I had the ENTIRE 4th grade outside by myself. Not to mention, no one told me that the doors locked when they closed. Therefore, not only was I outside with the entire 4th grade BY MYSELF; but we were LOCKED OUT!!! WONDERFUL!
All in all, the day went really well and I had a blast. I can't wait to go back on Friday.
When I answered the phone, she asked if I was still interested in the position and wanted to come in for an interview at 12:45. I said that was fine but was wondering if I could do anything earlier. She told me to come in any time in the morning and then asked if I was willing to start that morning for a trial day. She asked me to arrive at the school by 8:30. Let me remind you that to answer this phone call my mom had to wake me up and that was at 8:00.
So I arrived at the school and spent the day substituting a 4th grade classroom. It went really well until "Brief Break." On the teachers lesson plan for the day it said "Brief Break - you take the students outside with the other 4th graders." So at 2:00 I lined up my classroom and we filed outside. When I was in the hall way one of the teachers came up to me and thanked me. It wasn't until I got outside that I understood why I was being thanked. I had the ENTIRE 4th grade outside by myself. Not to mention, no one told me that the doors locked when they closed. Therefore, not only was I outside with the entire 4th grade BY MYSELF; but we were LOCKED OUT!!! WONDERFUL!
All in all, the day went really well and I had a blast. I can't wait to go back on Friday.
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