All the small things . . .

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that what we are facing is just a small ant hill in our world full of mountains. This song reminded me of this important fact:

What you got if you ain't got love
The kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
And when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem
So small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide it swallows you whole
While you're sitting around thinking about what you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, and when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem
So small, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
And then you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Oh, it sure makes everything else seem
So small

- Carrie Underwood

So, I guess it's time to start making that time count.

Ten Feet Deep

Lately, I have had this extremely weird, overwhelming feeling. Almost like I'm being suffocated. I feel like I'm ten feet deep in the ocean, not knowing when I can come up for air.

This semester has almost proved to be exactly when I expected: MISERABLE. I have a lot riding on this year as far as academics go and I am honestly trying my hardest. My father has always said, "As long as I know you tried," so I am.

I live in an apartment with five other girls and I now understand why I get a long with guys better. Girls can be NASTY! Out of my five roomates I get along with one. I shouldn't say I "get along with" but I really only like one of them. I am nice and civil with the other four but if I could go back and do this all over again, which I would never do, I would never live with these girls again. I leave school every single weekend, not necessarily because of them but, because I don't want to be there. I'm not your typical college "partier," I never have been - and all of my friends graduated in May. So instead, I come home and work and spend time with the people I want to spend time with. The one roomate I do like, hates that I go home and tries convincing me otherwise every single weekend. Which, unknown to her, just pisses me off and makes me want to go home that much more. I know that sounds nasty but I let everyone else do what they want to do without saying a word about it; how come for the past four years almost EVERYONE, at school at least, questions what I want to do. It is MY senior year and I should be able to spend it the way I WANT TO! Sorry, I know that sounds selfish and self centered, but I can't help it. I've gone through a lot to get where I am and although I'm not content where I am, I have no choice. I need to go through the next few months and suck it up - but I should be able to do it the way I want to.

I count down the days, the weeks, and the months til May 14th when I will walk across the stage and peace the hell out of school! I know everyone says not to rush through school, but its a whole lot different when you haven't rushed through and you are just done. Done with the work, done with the parties, done with the drama.

So until then, I need to figure out a way to start breathing again, to start living and making the best out of this situation. I just find myself back at square one whenever I try: telling myself I don't want to be here!!

Sorry for the depressing post - I needed to get that off my chest.