Ice Water.
Koozies.
Royal Blue.
Winterfresh Chewing Gum.
Blonde.
Singing.
Dancing.
The tape deck under the cabinets to the left of the back door.
Stop Screaming!
Tupperware full of cookies. (Drawer 3? on the left)
Slippers with the cutout toes.
Smile.
Polaroid.
Christmas.
Choir.
Chips & Dip.
Popsicles.
Fake eyebrows.
Love.

This short list is just the beginning of a numerous amount of things that trigger the memories I have shared with my grandmother over the past 21 years.

My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's just a few short years ago and as of late has been "failing," as they say. She has put in a good fight and is ready to throw the towel in. None of us want her to go, and regardless of whether or not she is here with us or watching over us, our love for her is endless. My wanting her to continue to put up a fight is selfish. If she was her "normal" self, she would be appalled at the thought of the way she is now. She would never want to live like this. Come to think of it, I would never want to live the way she has been. Who would?

Seeing her, lying in her bed, tonight was not the Grandmother I have grown up knowing. She has stopped eating and drinking. She doesn't seem to know how to anymore. We stood there, standing over her, watching her the whole time, even though nothing changed the entire time we were there. I want her to know that I love her, and I always will . . . now and forever. That when she is ready to go, I'll be okay with it. I want to know she is herself again. Aware of everything, and everyone, around her. Able to sing with the magnificent voice God blessed her with, and to sing as loud and for as long as she wants. I want her to feel at rest: that she doesn't need to keep fighting, that she does not feel anymore pain. I want her to smile like she always smiled at me growing up. I want her to love me and watch over me; to be my Guardian Angel.

I love you Nana, always!

Dean's List

For the first semester of my Freshman year in college I worked hard enough and made Dean's List at my school. The semester following that, but before my medical leave, I missed Dean's List by a .02, EVERYTIME!! Last semester, I was no where near making Dean's List but for whatever reason, I was okay with that. Taking a year off from school and making the decision to go back was hard enough. Rather than wrapping myself up in school work, I enjoyed my friends. I had fun, I was irresponsible, and I was happy. It was easy to do as the semester went on, but when I recieved my grades it was everything but okay. Returning to school this fall, I was determined to bring up my grades and I did. It is hard because I'm a smart girl, but I need to work for my good grades. I found myself constantly sitting at my desk focusing on school work. I'm not sure quite why but I did. Regardless, I still didn't make Dean's List. However, I brought up my grades by A LOT - so I was still happy.

On a happier note, I was informed by my doctor that my health has finally made Dean's List!! When I tell you it is the greatest feeling in the world, I'm not joking. Right before Christmas, I had my typical checkup with my surgeon. I told him about pain that I had been experiencing and he ran a bunch of tests through bloodwork. I emailed my nurse just a couple days ago and she replied with the most uplifting news. The part that meant the most to me, was that she was just as excited as I was. Like, she was proud to tell me that news. The way I'm trying to look at this is that it is a sign - this e-mail was the first interaction I had with any of my doctors in 2010 so I'm hoping this means I will be having a happy, and healthy New Year.

Here's hoping the same to all of you