It's been awhile . . .

So it's been a reall long time since my last post, in fact I don't even know when my last post actually was.

Anyway, as usual life has been crazy and I've been too wrapped up in school work to other things to blog but today is Thanksgiving, a holiday, time to rest and enjoy the company of family and friends but for some reason, I still find stress in all of it.

I've come to the conclusion that I want to be a kid again. I don't want to have any worries in the world. I want my best friends, to be my best friends. I want boys to have cooties, I want sleepovers to be special because you get to stay up til like 11 o'clock and that is late. I want a lot of homework to be a couple worksheets that will take up to an hour tops. I want my mom to pick out my clothes everyday but still be young enough that I don't care what I'm wearing so I don't argue with her. I don't want to worry about what I look like or how much weight I've put on. I want to be able to run around and get dirty and not have a care in the world. I think it is so ironic that when we are young we can't wait to grow up and do what all the big kids do. Why do we wish away our childhood so much? I wish I could go back in time - but this time, stay a kid forever.

Anyway, off to see Nana at the nursing home - hopefully I can relax a little and ignore the fact that my binder full of work to do is sitting next to me staring me in the face. Humphh.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Who knows . . .

This is rediculous. Just when you think it's over something else slips up that sets you back again. I'm sick of always being sick. Everyone at school tells me that I am always complaining and when I say I dont feel well the typical response is "K, you NEVER feel well." So okay maybe I dont always feel so hot but then again no one at school as been put through what I've gone through. Not to toot my own horn but I don't think any of them would have been able to deal with it the way I have and walk out in the end with a smile. No matter how I'm feeling I typically try to keep a positive attitude when I'm around others. It is when I'm alone that it really gets to me; I feel like I'm some sort of freak - that I will never be normal.

Sunday morning I woke up not feeling too well. I brushed it off, per usual. When I woke up Monday morning feeling worse, I knew something was up. I had a migraine, stomach pains, a stuffy nose, and the worst sore throat you could ever imagine. Originally I thought I had the flu, maybe pouchitis which only those who have had my surgery can get. I called my surgeon and have an appointment with him tomorrow morning. When Tylenol wasn't helping my headache and sore throat I called Mom. She said to call my Pediatrician as well. I did and they made an appointment for me for last night at 6:20. After the nurse saw me she did bloodwork and discovered I was positive for mononucleosis. GREAT! What else could I get at this point? She told me the worst of it is typically the first 5 to 7 days. Can I just tell you that the next 7 days are my last days of classes and then I have finals. This couldn't have happened at a better time, let me tell you.

On the other hand, I have by far the BEST boyfriend in the world. My Dad even likes him, when my Dad likes someone, you know they are a good person. The other day he showed up at my house without me to do some yard work for my parents. My mom asked him if I was with him and he said no she doesn't even know I am here. He then proceeded to text me and tell me that he was at a customer's house who had a "beautiful daughter" and maybe if the customer liked him the daughter would too. Typical me thought he was at his regular customers house and flipped out. When I found out he was talking about me I felt extremely guilty. Later that day, my Dad texted me saying he did a wonderful job on the yard and that "Puppy would really like him - a real hard worker." Puppy is my late grandfather who both my father and I miss terribly. It meant a lot to me when he said that. Today he drove from school to come see me. He changed the head light in my car and went with me to get an inspection sticker. As of right now, hes definitely a keeper and I couldn't ask for anyone better. I like you alot honey =)

Well I'm off to go rest. If my mom comes up here and finds me on my computer shes gunna get angry. Have a good night everyone!

Taking things for granted

So after everything I have been through especially in the last year or so you would think
I would realize that we all take things in life for granted; as a matter of fact I feel as though we take life for granted.

The other afternoon I did my typical e-mail check and Facebook check. I had a message on Facebook from my aunt saying that a woman whom I use to work with had lost her 4 year old granddaughter to a brain tumor this past weekend. Four years old . . . can you imagine that? It made me think a lot of stuff in my life. Stuff I don't appreciate. Granted, I haven't had my health all my life but I have it now; for the most part. I have friends and family who care about me. I have two loving parents who i dissrespect more than imaginable. They know I love them and I would do absolutely anything for them. The problem is that 9 times out of 1o I have to start an argument first. I have two sisters who I would give my life for. I have almost always gotten along with the baby. I think that because I spent a year at home with her we grew pretty damn close. Unfortunately, I'm not as close with my other sister. We use to be best friends, I would tell her anything and everything. Senior year of high school, I got a boyfriend who she didn't get along with - it tore us apart. Now I have a boyfriend who she likes a lot more and I hope and pray that my relationship with her can grow strong again. As a matter of fact, after she met the new boyfriend she sent me a text saying she liked him 182957282925 times better than the last one. For some reason, that meant everything to me. I saved the text message - locked it in my phone so that it can never be deleted. Then there is my family: grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Again I would give my life for them. Many people who know me well know that my family is my world. I love all of them and love spending time with them. That isn't common with kids my age - I text my aunts for fun! Who do you know that can say that?! Then I have my friends - again, these people are my world and as always I would give my life for them. My problem with friends is that I have my true friends but then I have people who use me. I have a hard time saying no when people ask me to do things for them and in the end, I end up getting hurt. Regardless, at the end of the day I know who my true friends are.

I know I just rambled for a while but those are the things in life that we take for granted. Fighting with people is pointless - how would you feel if the last memory you ever had with someone you cared about was a fight. We need to start living life to the fullest because we never know when we are going to be robbed of it.

I hope you all realize what you have around you and who loves you. Don't let people take advantage of you and if you love someone tell them. You never know when it is going to be your last chance . . .

RIP Erin =)

Always on my toes . . .

So Spring Break is here except as usual it doesn't feel like a break. I have gone non-stop, or so it feels. I have gotten to spend time with a few of my friends and family but not as much as I like. Friday when I got home I had a doctor's appointment (What else is knew?!) then I went to my cousins house and hung out all night. I was in bed by 10:30 and slept a good 11 and a half hours. It was about time - I haven't had a good night sleep in God only knows how long. Saturday I had to be at a testing site to take the teacher's licensure exam for the third time - I'm thinking that I possibly (FINALLY) passed it; or at least half of it. Then I babysat for awhile. I love babysitting my little cousins, they are adorable and I love spending time with them. Sunday I spent visiting my Nana in her Nursing home and then going to see my Grandpa in his new living "community." It was great to see both of them since I hadn't since before I left for school. On Monday I worked til 3:30 but then had a doctor's appointment and left early. That was when it all took a turn for the worse. Before I had gone back to school I had a dermatologist appointment and she found two moles on my stomach that looked abnormal to her so she took biopsys of them. A few days later I got a phone call saying that the results came back showing they were abnormal and I needed to make an appointment to have them removed. That was yesturday's appointment. I went in and had an excision done on two of the atypical moles on my tummy. The doctor told me that on a scale of 1 to 10 for precancerous moles and 10 being the worst - I had about a 9/9.5! He said that he doesn't usually remove two in one day but because they were SO bad he needed to get them out. And he did . . . It was possibly the most painful thing I have ever experienced and as most of you know my body as gone through the ringer a few times. He used 8 needles of novicaine betweent he two moles and injected each one atleast 6 times. Not only that but he did it fast . . . and HARD! My mom couldn't even watch. That was probably the worst of it until today. I have 8-12 stitches in each one and they hurt. I've taken tylenol and some other pain killer and then he prescribed me with Tylenol 3. I went into work late this morning and left early. Let me tell ya, I'm so sick of being sick.

My doctor told me exactly what it was that caused my precancerous moles - it was the tanning bed. The tanning bed my mom warned me over and over to not pay for. Now I'm really paying for it. My stomach is still covered in moles. Moles that next week he will examine again and determine what needs to be done about them.

As always my friends have been my backbone. Even though what went on yesturday wasn't a huge deal they were still there for me last night. Friends from all over =)

Other than that the past week or so hasn't been too eventful. Theres a new boy =) who makes me really really happy. He's different than the rest have been and I plan on keeping him around for awhile. I like him a lot.

My sister needs the computer now and I need to go start enjoying my spring break - See you soon!

Life . . .

Two weeks ago tomorrow I was at my Aunt's house for my cousins 10th birthday party. I wasn't suppose to go but I had nothing else to really do so I figured I would spend it with my family. It's weird. Most kids my age want nothing to do with their family - not me!! I love my family and I love spending time with them. Every year when my birthday rolls around my father complains about having another birthday party. I fight for not because I want the party but because I love getting together with my whole family. We typically have a good time together and generally enjoy one anothers company. I trucked from Worcester to Reading and graced my family with my presence. I had originally told them I wasn't going to be able to make it so I surprised them. While I was at the party my Uncle Billy and I were outside - he was changing my headlight and being beaten by the inside of my car =-/ - he said that I should continue to write on my blog because it makes him feel connected to me. I won't lie, it made my day. Uncle Billy has always seemed to me as one of my more "serious" uncles but as I have gotten older I feel like I can talk to him about more and generally just interact with him more. Knowing that he takes the time out of his day to check on my blog and me meant the world to me. Thanks Uncle Billy - I hope you enjoy my stories =) I love you!

On another note, his comment made me realize that I hadn't blogged in over a month and two weeks later I finally have time to do it. So much has gone on in such a short amount of time but I am healthy and happy. I don't have much to complain about and I wake up every morning hoping and praying for another good day.

The last time I wrote was the day after we left my Grandfather's house for the last time. I was getting ready to go back to school but wasn't sure how to feel and what to expect. Granpa has now been living in the "community" for a little over a month and seems to be doing fairly well. It is a big adjusment and I don't think he was as prepared for it as we all thought he was. He is slowly but surely making friends and at this point I guess that is all that matters. When I saw him at my cousins party he had his ID card clipped to his collar and was generally just adorable. The "community" has a pretty large campus and I think that is also what is hard for him. Living where he did for 45 years, he was completely comfortable in and familiar with his surroundings. I hope that he continues to strive and I wish him nothing but happiness.

School has been great. I live with 5 other girls and we have a blast together. I love them with all my heart and am so happy to be experiencing this part of life with them. The work load I could do without. It has been hard getting "back into the swing of things" but I guess I'm doing okay. My first weekend back I was drunk for the first time in my life. To be honest, I don't think I was ACTUALLY drunk, I think that because I had never really consumed alcohol that it was just too much on my stomach and made me sick. I haven't done it since and am okay with it. I feel like for once in my life I am ACTUALLY experiencing college. I am healthy and happy and at this point that is all that matters. I miss Krista like crazy by we stay in touch and I've gone home a few weekends to see her. Last weekend I went home because she was going to her first formal high school dance. She looked GORGEOUS! Not that that is surprising to any of us. I will be going home next weekend to go to the Fireman's Ball and watch my Dad receive his 25 year pin for 25 years of service on the Fire Department.

School runs a retreat called START and I made team for this semesters retreat. I am giving a talk on community and in the talk I speak highly of my family and their support through my illness, surgery, and recovery. I can't wait for it.

I'm going to stop here and hopefully write again soon. I have homework to get done and it isn't blogging =)

I wish you all a happy and healthy weekend.

Until next time . . .

And then there were none . . .

So I haven't blogged in awhile. I feel like everytime I do blog its because I need to get something off my chest that is bothering me, something that has made me upset or angry. I was looking through my "Edit Posts" this morning and realized that I had about 6 posts that were not finished or posted. Posts that went all the way back to Thanksgiving; which I guess wasn't that long ago but it feels like an eternity ago. It just shows how fast time really does fly.

I will be moving back to school two weeks from yesturday and I can't believe it. I'm nervous to go back but I feel like I'm ready. It has been a year since I have done any form of school work or sat through a class and I don't know if I'm ready for that but I guess we will find out. I still can't believe how fast this year has gone by. It was a year of ups and downs and I can strongly say that I was not sad to kiss 2008 goodbye at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve. I spent New Years Eve babysitting two twin 11 month old girls, Katie and Lila, and I absolutely adore them. They were so unbelieveably cute. Anyway . . . on to the real reason I'm posting . . .

Last night at about 8:45 pm my mom, my aunt, my sister and I walked down the steps of my Grandfather's house for the last time. We closed the door and as we did, we closed a chapter of all of our lives. A chapter that was longer for some of us than for others but regardless, it was chapter full of good times and bad, laughs and cries, hugs and kisses and all in all great memories. About a year ago, we had moved my Nana out of her house into an Assissted Living facility and later in the year into a Nursing home due to her Alzheimers and Colon cancer. Yesturday we moved my grandfather into a Retirement Community not too far from my uncles house. This morning my aunt and my mom went to the closing and to hand over the keys to a house that has been a part of our families memories for 46 years. I couldn't tell you the last time I cried as much as I did yeaturday. I got to the house at about 8:15 am and helped packing things up and sorting out was was coming and what we were leaving for the buyers. At about 11 we pulled out of the driveway, one last time. I was driving my Grandfather's car and he was sitting next to me in the passenger seat. He looked so hopeless as he waved goodbye to his home, to his memories, to his past. We drove by a parish that he had worked at as a Deacon for many years and he said goodbye to that. When we arrived at the Retirement Community he wandered off for a little bit just to familiarize himself with his new surroundings. Whenever we had to go somewhere, we let him lead the way. He seemed okay by the time we left, but it had a been a long day for him and he was tired and kicking us out. After leaving the RC we went back to the old house to do some last minute cleaning and vaccuming. I vacuumed his bedroom, his walkin closet that I played in as a kid. I vacummed the living rooms and the front hallway. When I was done I sat in the den feeling nauseous. I was feeling so many different emotions that I didn't know what to do. I was sad that we had to say goodbye, I was happy that it was a new beginning for my grandfather, I was exhausted and hungry. I went upstairs in the dark by myself and lied on the floor of the bedroom that was once my Nana's. It still had the scent of her perfume and with the scent I remembered her. I remembered the Nana I grew up with the Nana that hated the pool and wanted us to be quiet while we swam. The Nana who had a huge heart for Life
Saver popsicles and would sit with her rainbow striped glass and koozie (or whatever that this is called) and drink her ice water. I finally cried. I needed that cry. It is amazing how when you do something like that all the memories of you child hood seem to come rushing back. I sat up in the room for awhile just thinking of all my memories in the house. How my Grandpa use to dump change over the coats on the coat rack and we would all lie under it and grab the change. How Nana always had a pack of gum in the top drawer, second one in from the left by the pantry. How she always wore those flip-flop "slippers" that has the little teeney-tiny open toe. How when we came in from the pool we had to make sure we weren't dripping. How on Christmas Eve we would sit on the landing up to the second floor and play with our new toys. And so many other memories. The hard part is to think that these are the memories of a grandchild, only 20 years of memories. The rest of them, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and mom, have 26 more years of memories. Last night, my mom sat on the banister one last time. Now, she has a bad back and has been more or less handicap the last few weeks so when she did it we all freaked. She said she had to do it one last time, that when she was a kid she would sit on the banister and listen to her records and sing. I think it is amazing how you forget about all these memories and good time but when something comes up, like selling the house, they all come rushing back.

My mom, my aunt, my sister and I all sat on the stairs and cried. The worst part, was that I coudn't stop. I couldn't see the positive in any of this. I kept saying that if they were moving somewhere together and she was not sick and he wasn't beyond depressed that would be one thing. Nana has NO IDEA that ANY of this has happened. I think that is what gets me the most.

I woke up this morning at 6:30 to go to the bathroom. When I got back I couldn't fall back to sleep. I was tempted to go to the house one last time and say goodbye by myself. I don't know, I feel like I just can't let it go. It is now 10:58 and I'm almost positive the house is no longer in the Amerault family. It sucks. But hopefully, it is a nice family that has bought it and will take care of it and have just as many amazing memories as my family has had. I just hope it is all the right decisions. And I just need to stop crying . . .


Regardless, here's to new beginnings and a Happy New Year to all!

=)