And then there were none . . .

So I haven't blogged in awhile. I feel like everytime I do blog its because I need to get something off my chest that is bothering me, something that has made me upset or angry. I was looking through my "Edit Posts" this morning and realized that I had about 6 posts that were not finished or posted. Posts that went all the way back to Thanksgiving; which I guess wasn't that long ago but it feels like an eternity ago. It just shows how fast time really does fly.

I will be moving back to school two weeks from yesturday and I can't believe it. I'm nervous to go back but I feel like I'm ready. It has been a year since I have done any form of school work or sat through a class and I don't know if I'm ready for that but I guess we will find out. I still can't believe how fast this year has gone by. It was a year of ups and downs and I can strongly say that I was not sad to kiss 2008 goodbye at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve. I spent New Years Eve babysitting two twin 11 month old girls, Katie and Lila, and I absolutely adore them. They were so unbelieveably cute. Anyway . . . on to the real reason I'm posting . . .

Last night at about 8:45 pm my mom, my aunt, my sister and I walked down the steps of my Grandfather's house for the last time. We closed the door and as we did, we closed a chapter of all of our lives. A chapter that was longer for some of us than for others but regardless, it was chapter full of good times and bad, laughs and cries, hugs and kisses and all in all great memories. About a year ago, we had moved my Nana out of her house into an Assissted Living facility and later in the year into a Nursing home due to her Alzheimers and Colon cancer. Yesturday we moved my grandfather into a Retirement Community not too far from my uncles house. This morning my aunt and my mom went to the closing and to hand over the keys to a house that has been a part of our families memories for 46 years. I couldn't tell you the last time I cried as much as I did yeaturday. I got to the house at about 8:15 am and helped packing things up and sorting out was was coming and what we were leaving for the buyers. At about 11 we pulled out of the driveway, one last time. I was driving my Grandfather's car and he was sitting next to me in the passenger seat. He looked so hopeless as he waved goodbye to his home, to his memories, to his past. We drove by a parish that he had worked at as a Deacon for many years and he said goodbye to that. When we arrived at the Retirement Community he wandered off for a little bit just to familiarize himself with his new surroundings. Whenever we had to go somewhere, we let him lead the way. He seemed okay by the time we left, but it had a been a long day for him and he was tired and kicking us out. After leaving the RC we went back to the old house to do some last minute cleaning and vaccuming. I vacuumed his bedroom, his walkin closet that I played in as a kid. I vacummed the living rooms and the front hallway. When I was done I sat in the den feeling nauseous. I was feeling so many different emotions that I didn't know what to do. I was sad that we had to say goodbye, I was happy that it was a new beginning for my grandfather, I was exhausted and hungry. I went upstairs in the dark by myself and lied on the floor of the bedroom that was once my Nana's. It still had the scent of her perfume and with the scent I remembered her. I remembered the Nana I grew up with the Nana that hated the pool and wanted us to be quiet while we swam. The Nana who had a huge heart for Life
Saver popsicles and would sit with her rainbow striped glass and koozie (or whatever that this is called) and drink her ice water. I finally cried. I needed that cry. It is amazing how when you do something like that all the memories of you child hood seem to come rushing back. I sat up in the room for awhile just thinking of all my memories in the house. How my Grandpa use to dump change over the coats on the coat rack and we would all lie under it and grab the change. How Nana always had a pack of gum in the top drawer, second one in from the left by the pantry. How she always wore those flip-flop "slippers" that has the little teeney-tiny open toe. How when we came in from the pool we had to make sure we weren't dripping. How on Christmas Eve we would sit on the landing up to the second floor and play with our new toys. And so many other memories. The hard part is to think that these are the memories of a grandchild, only 20 years of memories. The rest of them, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and mom, have 26 more years of memories. Last night, my mom sat on the banister one last time. Now, she has a bad back and has been more or less handicap the last few weeks so when she did it we all freaked. She said she had to do it one last time, that when she was a kid she would sit on the banister and listen to her records and sing. I think it is amazing how you forget about all these memories and good time but when something comes up, like selling the house, they all come rushing back.

My mom, my aunt, my sister and I all sat on the stairs and cried. The worst part, was that I coudn't stop. I couldn't see the positive in any of this. I kept saying that if they were moving somewhere together and she was not sick and he wasn't beyond depressed that would be one thing. Nana has NO IDEA that ANY of this has happened. I think that is what gets me the most.

I woke up this morning at 6:30 to go to the bathroom. When I got back I couldn't fall back to sleep. I was tempted to go to the house one last time and say goodbye by myself. I don't know, I feel like I just can't let it go. It is now 10:58 and I'm almost positive the house is no longer in the Amerault family. It sucks. But hopefully, it is a nice family that has bought it and will take care of it and have just as many amazing memories as my family has had. I just hope it is all the right decisions. And I just need to stop crying . . .


Regardless, here's to new beginnings and a Happy New Year to all!

=)